So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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