I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
