just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
