I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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