so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
