I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Randomize
