Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
