You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
