i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Green mimosas i think yes
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
