I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
