You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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