I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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