im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
