my vag is so smooth its legendary
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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