life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
