The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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