We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
