the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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