Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i drank out of a bidet.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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