3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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