You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
