I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
