Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
