no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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