I'm sorry my penis didn't work
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
