Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
