she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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