She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
