as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
