You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
