morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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