Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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