and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
