I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You took a bar mat shot.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
