When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
