hell yes lets make some ravioli
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
40s are totally the cure
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
