You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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