i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
