I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
