We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
