just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
