i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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