oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
