You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
