i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
