Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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