Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
