i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
