his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
