i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize