getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
