I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
