the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
