it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
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If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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