I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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