Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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