There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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