What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
