just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
