Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
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