we have pet lesbian snakes
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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