I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Success! We fucked roommates!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
