Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
