You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
