just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
