I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
