So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
