I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
