Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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