so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
