My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
