please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize