I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
