Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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