i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
