M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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