"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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