Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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