Your face is a jimmy john
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
