On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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