??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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