yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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