I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
