went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
