I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
