i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
